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| 04.15.04 (11:54 am) [edit] |
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your love was a prerequisite.
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| okay, so i lied. shoot me. |
| 04.15.04 (11:52 am) [edit] |
i have decide to update this again, just this once.
today's my 16th birthday.
yesss.
:lol:
but idk...ive got a lot on my mind here. i found a link to blog ideas from [url=]www.j.tblog.com[/url].
Best compliment you've ever received.
"your so beautiful" dont know where [i]that[/i] came from....
Who do you blame for your mood today?
seeing as it is my birthday, i am in a pretty good mood. but in history today, first period, josue was totally pissing me off. he's so stupid sometimes. i swear, i wanted to yell at him. STUPID. god.
Boxers; Briefs; Commando
what is up with guys and their sagging pants? one guy in my history class was wearing paul frank yellow monkey boxers. i personally, do NOT find it attractive at all. we can see your underwear, thats great. you're not a stud.
breifs...not on guys on a regular basis. if you know what i mean.
i dont understand how people can go commando and be comfortable. i find it gross, but hey, that's just me.
What should we do with stupid people?
you know those few people who have to make a phone call or write a letter and ruin it for everyone? well, like adam corrola says, we should just send them all to a community to live together, and they can call the police on each other all the time, and not offend anyone. and the normal minded people can live in peace.
Breakfast: Yes or No?
hoooly crap. if i don't have breakfast, being the pig that i am, i'm ravenous by lunchtime.
When was the last time you said 'I Love You'?
okay. i say it to my parents sometimes. not often.
but to a boy? uhm...last summer. i wont ever do it again. ever.
okay, thats enough.
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| bye |
| 03.31.04 (12:17 pm) [edit] |
this is it. i'm done.
bye.
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| heh. heh. |
| 03.23.04 (12:06 pm) [edit] |
you're awesome.
i'm going to see dashboard live. i cant wait.
formal was fun
i LOVE YOU.
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| so much |
| 03.19.04 (11:36 am) [edit] |
How does it feel to know you're [i][u][b]everything[/b][/ u][/i] I need
The butterflies in my stomach
[i][b]they could bring me to my knees [/b][/i]
How does it feel to know you're [i]everything[/i] I want
I've got a [i]hard[/i] time saying this
so I'll sing it in a song
Oh I [i]adore[/i] the way you carry yourself
With the [i][b]grace of a thousand angels overhead [/b][/i]
I love the way the [i]galaxy starts to melt [/i]
When we become one
When we become one
When we become one
[i]When we become one [/i]
How does it feel
How does it feel when we get [b][u][i]locked into a stare[/i][/u]? [/b]
Please don't come looking for me
[i]when I get lost in the mess of your hair [/i]
How do you feel when [i][b]everything you've known
gets thrown aside [/b][/i]
[i]Never fear[/i], my dear, 'cause [b]we have nothing left to hide [/b]
Oh I [i]adore[/i] the way you carry yourself
With the grace of a thousand angels overhead
I love the way [i]the galaxy starts to melt [/i]
[i]Hold on to [/i]me [boy]
[i]If you feel your grip getting loose [/i]
just know that I'm[b] right next to you [/b]
Hold on to me [boy]
If you feel your grip getting loose
Just know that [i]I won't let you down [/i]
Well, [i]I'm ready [/i]
Well, [i]I'm ready [/i]
I am ready
[i][u][b]To run away with you [/b][/u][/i]
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
[i][u][b]To run away with me? [/b][/u][/i]
[b]Pack your things we can leave today [/b]
[i]Pack your things we can leave today [/i]
Say our[i] goodbyes[/i] and get on the train
Say [b]goodbye [/b]
[u][b]Just you and I in the sweet unknown [/b][/u]
We can just [i]call each other our home [/i]
If I [i]had[/i] to choose a way to die
[i]it'd be with you [/i]
In a [b]goosebump infested embrace [/b]
With my overanxious hands [i]cupping your face [/i]
In a goosebump infested embrace
With my overanxious hands cupping your [i]cherub face [/i]
[i]How does it feel? [/i]
[LINE]
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| GAH! |
| 03.17.04 (11:27 am) [edit] |
i don't think can take this much longer.
brayton emailed me. i could have classified as the happiest girl in the world, even though it was like two minutes of happiness.
i hate seeing brandon and his new interest together, it makes me hate myself.
"love's a bitch, so you have to be a bitch right back to it"
-socky. she's so wise, i knew she'd understand about my situation. i'm so sorry josue.
i guess i'm just not girlfriend material. or...[i]your[/i] girlfriend material, for that matter.
brayton's coming to town. i have to see him. maybe be able to forget everything again. boy, that'd be nice wouldn't it?
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| post spring break |
| 03.15.04 (12:12 pm) [edit] |
this spring break sucked up until friday and saturday night.
this isn't fair! I meet the most wonderful, perfect boy in the whole wide world, and he lives three hundred miles away.
i know...life's a bitch sometimes. its hard to think about him being in my life for only one night. and i have a fucking boyfriend.
but...there was someting about bratton. and it was so nice to be able to lose myself in him, even if it [i]was[/i] for only one night.
socky said it's okay because i didn't do anything. the only thing i didn't do...is say no.
:twisted:
i dont regret a thing. haha. is that bad?
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| war all the fucking time |
| 03.04.04 (11:48 am) [edit] |
say something. SAY SOMETHING GOD DAMNIT! don't just fucking SIT THERE!
this song will become the anthem of your underground. youre two floors down getting high in the back room. if i flooded out your house, do you think you'd make it out?
or would you BURN UP before the water fills your lungs?????
and at your funeral, i will sing the requiem.
i miss you. <3. i wanted more than anything for you to say something.>
anything.
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| spring break |
| 03.03.04 (7:45 am) [edit] |
okay.
11 days until the Thursday, AFI, and Coheed and Cambria concert.
boy howdy this will be the beset spring break ever.
:twisted:
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| as you sleep |
| 03.02.04 (11:58 am) [edit] |
something corporate is the best band in the world with the most beautiful sounds and lead singer. i would give anything to see them live. anything. they're beautiful. gorgeous. stunning.
so...i talked to ian last night. he's giving me a mission. i have to plan what to do this friday. three days until spring break.
and i'm also going to have quality michael and mel time...and i dont know if i'm going to dump josue or not...i think we can make it work. i'll regret it if i do, i know it.
this cd makes me cry. i'm so emo. i cry too much. i dont even know why.
i cry because of ian. i cry because of california, and anne frank, and harry potter when he lost sirius. i cry for brandon, for my broken heart, and i cry because i want someone who can write me songs and play me beautiful music like this, just for me.
i want....someone like michael. i want someone who can sing for me.
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| the price you paid |
| 02.27.04 (11:44 am) [edit] |
its been a while. this class is so boring. i'm so confused now.
i mean, i'm not single anymore. i am josue's girlfriend. and it feels funny. maybe we should have just been together like we were before. it just feels weird.
ok we just had a fire drill. and ive come to realize this week how much i miss brandon. how much i wish josue was brandon. even though he made me miserable. and i know that if i was back with him i'd still be miserable.
but maybe i want to be miserable.
you and me were always funny...in a [i]car crash[/i] sort of way.
i just want to be happy. there are other people i know. that i like. i like the way the hair falls in their eyes. and their hands.
oh...and dmitri was flattering me last night. "I'm so glad you dropped your stuff at region, otherwise we wouldn't be having this conversation.":oops:
every single fucking day is when i want to find someone but i dont think thats going to happen because i'm only fifteen. but i want it to.
i miss him so much.
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| losing streak |
| 02.19.04 (11:17 am) [edit] |
this is really hard. i just cant stand sitting in one a place and watching someone get hurt.
on a happier note. i'm totally going to see dmitri this weekend.
we're just hanging out.
:twisted:
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| ok, i believe you, but my tommy gun dont |
| 02.17.04 (11:53 am) [edit] |
i know exactly what i'm going to do
friends annoy me. i cant stand seeing someone hurt for stupid reasons. it makes me angry! i want to tell her so bad to stop hurting him. and i just want to hug him. its because i think i care about him more than i should.
thats not good.
not good at all.
so i had a good valentines day. our winter formal was cancelled. these texans and their snow. the roads were perfectly clear. but whatever. its been rescheduled. josue got me a big rose and we played in the snow. twas excellent.
ive decided to not pay any attention in class today. too much on my mind. too much to do. to say.
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| gah. |
| 02.13.04 (11:25 am) [edit] |
happy day-before-valentines-day . fuckers.
at least i got two valentines today.
one from brandon
one from josue.
:?
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| three more days... |
| 02.11.04 (12:03 pm) [edit] |
this year, i'm actually excited for valentine's day.
formal with josue.
i choose him. even thouth i know i'll miss brandon still. gah.
one month and three days until the AFI, Thursday, and Coheed and Cambria concert! eeee!
i hope the next [girl] you kiss has something terribly contagious on [her] lips.
i like you.
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| please, no |
| 02.09.04 (12:04 pm) [edit] |
my heart with brandon. <3.>
my heart with josue. <3>
my heart now.
it's broken. brandon broke it. and i hurt josue because of it. i should have fucking known when he said "you were one of the best things to ever happen to me".
i'm sorry for everything ive done to you josue. i didn't mean it.
but god. i'm still in love with brandon, and i dont know what to do. maybe i should just wait for all of this to pass.
or ignore it. or complain enough for it to go away.
i just want to be happy.
he's crying. just like i do. for you. :cry:
i miss you.
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| all your fault |
| 02.05.04 (12:30 pm) [edit] |
nothing changed
argh. i'm a pirate.
but seriously.
i miss him.
i stay wrecked and jealous
its okay, i'm sure she really loves you, beautiful.
speak, strike, [i]redress[/i]
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| why cant i? |
| 02.03.04 (11:36 am) [edit] |
GAH
its not supposed to be like this.
i'm supposed to be ignored. its supposed to feel like hell. im supposed to hate you. so i can move on from you.
friday night was interesting. sorry it wasnt fun for you, its not my fault you didnt want to dance with me...i guess josue just got to me first. which was totally worth it anyway. hes amazing.
:roll:
[i]honestly, honestly, honestly
is this the last time that i see you?
...i'll still wait for your call[/i]
why cant you ignore me when i hate you, and catch my eyes when i love you. when i miss you. i miss you. dork.
i shouldnt though. and i know you'll never read this.
saturday. oh god...[i]saturday.[/i] saturday was excellent, if i do say so myself. im perfectly happy when brandon isnt around. i have so much fun talking to josue.
!el es mexicanooo tambien!
hey. there was a time when i was so happy i cried. i know if you're reading this, you could care less. but thats okay anyhow.
i felt something more than friendship in that kiss saturday. but i should probably wait a little while longer.
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| konfusion |
| 01.28.04 (11:32 am) [edit] |
i miss you so much.
i was talking to helen this morning. and she said all of these things that made me think. i'm never going to be over brandon. i mean, i can go ahead and let josue make me happy, and that's what i plan on doing, not anytime soon though, and...i will still want to kill myself when i see brandon walk down the hallway with another girl, holding her hand...giving her a rose when he asks her out... singing looking back on today for her, writing about how amazing she is in his xanga. i am not that girl, and i've come to realize that i will never be that girl. not anymore.
i know when i see him sing, my heart will break, no matter how happy josue or anyone else makes me. even dmitri, who thought i was cute.
it just doesnt work that way. :cry:
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| I HATE YOU |
| 01.26.04 (11:51 am) [edit] |
i love you so much i hate you. i hate you for occupying my thoughts and i hate you for making me feel this way.
which is all rather surreal, really.
i'd like to see you undone
i messed up my friendship this weekend
i would be happy. if it wasnt for you.
there was a time when i was so happy with you.
i hate you so much.
so.much.
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| they'll never hurt you like i do |
| 01.22.04 (11:33 am) [edit] |
i am not looking forward to next year.
honestly, my dad doesnt care about you [i]brandon[/i]
i still miss you though...which is why i dont like anyone right now. for once. i need to stay single. need to.
i still havent talked to mr. dmitri yet...i will. here is my final thing on what i'm going to say.
hey. im melissa, clarinetest at region (butterfingers with my music). you seemed pretty cool, for the ten minutes that i saw of you, and i was scared to talk to you because i thought your eyes were intimidating. intimidating in a good way though.
youre eyes are neat.
sound good?
i think i'm changing. i'm wearing my finch shirt today.
i wish i was happy like a certain couple in my class right now. i could make you happy.
okay. when i turn 18, (two years from now in april), rachel and i are going to san francisco. and we're going to work at tower records and have a tiny apartment, we'll be tight on money, but the apartment will still look pretty because we made it that way. cheap decorations and whatnot.
and we'll go to concerts every night. and date boys in the same band so we can go on the road with them.
we'll also have a dog and if its a guy i'll call him slinkster dog. and if it's a girl, i'll call her weetzie.
my ideal life.
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| i saw your eyes |
| 01.20.04 (12:36 pm) [edit] |
hello. my name is melissa. and i was a clarinetest at region, and all i wanted to say was that your eyes are amazing.
nope.
ok, how about....
hi, i'm melissa. this is going to sound weird, but i was a clarinetest at region, and i was scared to talk to you because i found your eyes intimidating.
maybe i shouldnt say intimidating. haha.
i didnt say one word to him :roll:
i will though
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| punchline |
| 01.15.04 (11:52 am) [edit] |
oh emm gee.
punchline is [i]finally[/i] releasing their new album. :D
i dont care what anyone else says, i still miss you.
i hope you had the time of your life.
man, love's a bitch
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| im baaaack |
| 01.13.04 (12:37 pm) [edit] |
okay okay. the school blocked xanga. so i may be updating from here.
everything that's happened since november...
-me and brandon are over
-my hair is 8 inches shorter
-i passed my classes.
bitching about brandon, i dont understand why he dumped me. i miss him. what the fuck was the week before? i know he knows i stlil think about it. i know he misses me. he has to. for going through all that trouble to get me to like him.
i stopped talking.
i only miss him when josues not around. is it bad to maybe have feelings for your best friend? :oops:
until next time, im out.
~O = <3>
mel
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| teen drama |
| 11.13.03 (12:22 pm) [edit] |
man, teen drama sucks
baaaahahahaha.
I'm in a parking lot by myself
It's quarter to nine and I've been here since 5:45
Oh, there's no one but I can see some flickering lights
I can hear some dogs barking in the back yards
And I smell gasoline
I wish the sky were open 'cause if there weren't those trees
I think I could see for miles
The city is just beyond those clouds
I guess this is what it's like to be really down
And holding out for something
Remembering the warm nights
Remembering the open arms of two years ago
Oh there's nothing like this parking lot
And seeing the stars in morning
'Cause I can see them from where I'm lying
I can feel the cold pavement against my skin
It's tingling.
i heart saves the day. oh so very much. :lol:
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